Just. Be. Happy.
"The purpose of our lives is to be happy." — The Dalai Lama
Joy, Happiness, Laughter?
Yeah, vaguely familiar… I think I remember them. It’s been a while.
While we've been otherwise distracted—by life’s many challenges or the chaos of the day—we may not have noticed that our overall sense of joy and happiness has quietly taken a hit.
We rarely stop to reflect on our own joy and happiness. We get lost in duty and responsibility and forget to ask ourselves the most basic of questions:
"Am I happy?"
"What brings me joy?"
Simple questions, yet they surprisingly stump people. Years ago, in my coaching practice, I often asked clients these questions, only to be met with that classic deer-in-the-headlights look—like I’d just asked something forbidden.
“Oh… I didn’t know I was allowed to be happy.”
Many of us were taught that life is hard and serious, and that joy is a rare treat—if you’re lucky, it’ll show up a few times. But the well-known phrase "Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness," baked into our Declaration of Independence, refers to one of the unalienable rights our government is meant to protect.
And yet, it seems many of us have forgotten that happiness is, in fact, our right.
Interestingly, the concept of “pursuing joy” isn’t something we’re taught directly. It’s absorbed through observation. It’s not taught in schools, and I’ve never heard a parent say, “Make sure you study hard and practice being joyful.”
Postponed Joy
Not only are we not “pursuing happiness” in the moment, many of us—often subconsciously—are delaying joy or holding ourselves back from experiencing it at all.
A recent Washington Post article highlighted research showing that people often procrastinate joyful activities—like meeting friends or going out—because they’re waiting for the “perfect moment.”
We’ve all said some version of this:
“I’ll be happy when…”
(I meet the right person. I lose weight. I get a promotion. I graduate. I have enough money.)
The list is endless. Sadly, this way of thinking often leads to decreased motivation and lingering dissatisfaction.
So, why do we delay joy?
Cultural norms that prioritize productivity—there’s “no time” for joy.
Emotional self-protection—many of us have learned not to trust joy due to trauma, instability, or stress. We fear that something bad must follow: “This is too good to last.”
Perfectionism—we believe joy is only earned once everything is flawless. Ironically, real joy is often found in life’s messy, ordinary, and imperfect moments.
“Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.” - Abraham Lincoln
Ultimately, we must recognize that we are the ones responsible for finding and creating our own joy. No one else can do it for us.
Imagine what would happen if we stopped denying ourselves the experience of joy and chose to course-correct—starting now.
🧠 We Can Change
Yes, recognizing these patterns is the first step. The good news? We can retrain our minds to allow joy—now, not later.
Joy and happiness have been discussed by philosophers since ancient times, and modern science has joined the conversation. The most extensive study to date is the Harvard Study of Adult Development, conducted over 85 years.
Surprisingly, this study found that contrary to popular belief, happiness is not primarily determined by wealth, career success, intelligence, or even a healthy lifestyle.
The biggest predictor of happiness, health, and longevity?
👉 Strong, supportive relationships.
Good Quality Relationships = Joy
Our ability to build and maintain deep, meaningful relationships is more important to our well-being than genetics or socioeconomic status.
“Whoever is happy will make others happy too.” — Unknown
The Harvard study shows that it’s not just having relationships that matters—it’s the quality of those connections. Joyful, positive relationships can increase life satisfaction and even extend lifespan, while loneliness and isolation can lead to depression, cognitive decline, and shorter lives.
So ask yourself:
Are you spending time with people who make you laugh, support you, and lift your spirits?
Or are you stuck in relationships rooted in shared negativity?
The 2025 World Happiness Report backs this up. It found that joy is deeply connected to gratitude and love. On the flip side, toxic relationships and societal pressure tend to suppress joy, while self-awareness, nature, and caring for others help sustain it.
"If you want to be happy, be." — Leo Tolstoy
Is It Really That Simple?
What’s stopping us from being happy—right now?
What are we waiting for?
The Big Joy Project (a UCSF–UC Berkeley collaboration, 2022–2024) found that just 5–10 minutes a day of micro acts of joy—like expressing gratitude, appreciating nature, or doing something kind—can significantly boost emotional well-being, reduce stress, and increase our sense of agency.
Especially during challenging times, we owe it to ourselves to cultivate joy intentionally by doing things that create lasting joy, not just fleeting pleasure.
Here’s how we can start:
Make a list of everything that brings you joy
Practice daily gratitude and mindfulness
Let go of “when-then” thinking
Build strong, healthy relationships
Learn to sit with joy—even if it feels unfamiliar or undeserved
“Laughter is the best medicine.” — Henri de Mondeville, 13th-century surgeon
Laughter: The Gateway to Joy
It’s often said that “laughter is the key to happiness.” And science backs that up:
It lifts our mood and helps relieve symptoms of anxiety and depression.
It releases endorphins that lower stress.
It boosts our immune system and protects heart health.
It improves memory and cognitive function.
It strengthens social bonds and fosters resilience.
And yes—it even burns calories. 🙃
A personal story: A few weeks ago, a friend came over for dinner. He looked heavy with worry and sadness. I listened, empathized, and offered support. But after a while, I decided it was time to shift the energy. I queued up a Jo Koy comedy special on Netflix—and within minutes, we were both snort-laughing. The transformation in his energy and mood was unmistakable.
A Joyful Call to Action
Despite whatever’s happening in our lives, we must remain intentional about creating reasons for joy. Savor the little things. Protect your joy.
As Josiah Queen sings in his uplifting song, “Can’t Steal My Joy”:
What the world couldn't give, no, it can't take away
Sorrow may come but it can't
Steal my joy
Let’s get our joy on—now, not later.
By sharing, caring, and laughing with our families, friends, and communities, we can spread joy like a virus. Let's create a pandemic of joyfulness. 😊
Stay happy, my friends.
Go forth, be joyful, and laugh your ass off into a chronic state of joy. 🌞
With love and laughter,
Annie @The Positive People Project. 😊
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