Make friends. Your life depends on it.
"Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together." – Woodrow Wilson
Friendship. It’s essential for a happy, healthy life.
Over the years, I’ve been fortunate to cultivate dozens of friendships — many of which have lasted a lifetime. In fact, my first and very special friend, Joyce, was born three weeks after me to the family who lived across the street. Her family moved away when we were about six years old, and we haven’t lived near each other for decades — yet we’ve remained besties our entire lives.
A few years ago, Joyce sent a plaque to me that reads:
“Everyone has a friend during each stage of life, but the lucky ones have the same friend in all stages of life.”
So why have I been so lucky in the friendship department? I believe the main reason is that I’m a good friend. Friendship is in my DNA.
"The only way to have a friend is to be one." – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Ironically, I was painfully shy as a kid and had difficulty making friends — until my family moved to New Jersey when I was twelve. It was a tough age to be uprooted, for sure, but in hindsight, it was the best thing that could have happened to me.
Let me paint the picture (and please know this is not self-deprecation — just how I remember it, LOL)...
Back in the day, I would’ve been labeled “chubby.” As adolescence kicked in, I sported a monobrow, glasses, and frizzy curly hair that could not be tamed — especially in humidity (this was before the invention of hair gels and serums!). The only thing missing from my freak show appearance was braces, and thankfully I didn’t need them. Let’s just say Teen Magazine wasn’t exactly knocking on my door for a cover shoot.
So, there I was — the new kid in 7th grade — and you can just imagine the angst. That’s when I realized I had two choices: figure out how to make new friends, or be alone. And through the magic of friendship, I came out of my shell.
It started with one girl — my dear friend Sandy — who took a chance and befriended me. She thought I was funny, not freakish, and she welcomed me into her group, and soon enough I felt included. By the time I graduated high school, I could hang with any group — the jocks, the burnouts, the nerds (it was the late '70s!) — and I felt comfortable and welcome.
"There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship." – Thomas Aquinas
I met my dear friend Mar (MaryAnna) on my first day at college. The moment we met, there was no question for either of us — we were soul sisters. Over the decades, we’ve created countless sacred memories filled with laughter — moments that still make me laugh out loud when I reminisce. We’ll take each other’s secrets to our graves.
I believe my natural inclination toward humor and connection has led me to enjoy such rich, beautiful friendships. I love people — from all walks of life — and I’m always open to befriending another. Being able to meet people where they are is my superpower. It’s why I loved being a recruiter and built a career I’m proud of, despite the stress.
I’ve often joked that I’m a “friend of the friendless” (a nod to I Love Lucy), because I know firsthand what it feels like to be shy, awkward, or to carry that overwhelming sense of “otherness” that can keep people at a distance.
I’m deeply grateful I outgrew that shyness, but I know many people struggle with it their entire lives. I feel immense compassion for anyone who suffers from loneliness — it can be debilitating. Often, all it takes is one thing to hold someone back: not feeling worthy of a friendship, being too shy, or lacking the courage to reach out. There are a thousand reasons.
But here’s the simple truth: every single one of us thinks of ourselves as weird. Every one of us.
And that weirdness? It’s actually our secret power.
I believe friendship is also about self-worth. Research shows that having positive, supportive relationships contributes to higher self-esteem — in both children and adults. When your confidence is low (as it is for everyone at times), you may not feel worthy of another person’s attention, much less their friendship. So, you hide. But hiding comes at a cost.
“A Friendship Recession”
We all long for a sense of belonging and social connectedness- it is a fundamental human need, as crucial as food, water, and shelter. Throughout history, we humans are biologically wired for social connection. In our modern world, this need is even more profound.
A term coined by Daniel Cox of the American Enterprise Institute, the “friendship recession” refers to the increasing number of people who report having no close friends, or fewer friends than they used to. This trend hits midlife men and young adults especially hard.
In May 2023, loneliness was declared a public health epidemic by U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, M.D., M.B.A. More than half (51%) of American adults reported feeling lonely or isolated. Among young adults aged 18–29, that number jumps to 79%. It’s especially prevalent among minority groups, low-income individuals, and those living in rural areas.
The American Psychiatric Association’s 2024 Healthy Minds Monthly Poll confirmed that loneliness is widespread — particularly among young people. It found that 33% of adults experienced feelings of loneliness at least once a week over the past year, while 10% said they feel lonely every day.
What’s Causing Our Loneliness — and How Can We Fix It?
The Making Caring Common project at Harvard conducted a national survey to explore the roots of loneliness and ways to address it. Their report, Loneliness in America: Just the Tip of the Iceberg, identified several contributing factors:
Technology and social media
Insufficient time with family
Being overworked, too busy, or too tired
Mental health struggles
Living in an overly individualistic society
A lack of spiritual or religious connection
Changing work dynamics (remote/hybrid schedules)
So, what’s the solution?
Start simple: Reach out. Reconnect with family or friends.
"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you." – Elbert Hubbard
Friendship. Our lives depend on it — literally.
Research shows that healthy friendships are essential to our well-being and longevity. One study found that people with close friends are more satisfied with life and less likely to suffer from depression. Another showed that strong social connections reduce the risk of dying from all causes — including heart disease, stroke, and chronic illnesses.
In fact, people lacking meaningful connection — due to isolation, loneliness, or toxic relationships — have the same risk of premature death as someone who smokes 15 cigarettes a day. Yikes!
As U.S. Surgeon General Murthy said in his letter introducing the urgent advisory, Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation:
“We are called to build a movement to mend the social fabric of our nation…Each of us can start now, in our own lives, by strengthening our connections and relationships…. Answer that phone call from a friend. Make time to share a meal. Listen without the distraction of your phone. Perform an act of service. The keys to human connection are simple, but extraordinarily powerful.”
Other recommendations for combating loneliness include:
Learning to love yourself
Practicing forgiveness
Finding ways to help others
Building meaningful connections to foster a sense of purpose
Finding someone who appreciates you for you — someone who brings out your best — is one of life’s greatest joys. Above my kitchen window hangs a small plaque from a friend that says:
“Friends are like therapists you can drink with!”
Friends are our chosen family. They’re who we share life with — the laughter, the milestones, the messiness. They help shape us into who we are. A good friend will reflect back the parts of yourself you can’t always see — especially when you’re being your own worst critic.
Even though I’m miles apart from many dear friends, we speak often and know that we’re just a phone call or FaceTime away when life gets hard — or hilarious.
Feeling Lonely? Go Make New Friends — Seriously.
If you’re experiencing loneliness, or if your circle of friends has dwindled, the best thing you can do is go out and make new connections with people who align with the person you are now.
And guess what? It’s not as hard as you think.
We’re living in a digitally connected world where it’s easier than ever to meet people. Use platforms like Meetup, Eventbrite, or local Facebook groups to find events and gatherings in your area.
Start with your interests — hobbies, causes, sports, books, music, cooking, anything. Join clubs, take a class, sign up for a rec league, or volunteer. The possibilities are endless:
A dog park
A local coffee shop
A fitness class
A book club
A gaming group
A writing workshop
A community college course
Wherever you go — just show up as your best self.
Final Thoughts
If you’re already blessed with good friends — keep that shit up!* That means you’re a good friend, too.
But if you’ve struggled to make friends, or feel your circle has grown smaller, I hope this inspires you to open yourself up to new connections.
It starts with being a friend to someone else.
Let the magic begin.
And speaking of friends — thank you, my dear readers, for your support and your attention.
With love and laughter,
Annie @The Positive People Project. 😊
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And last but not least, here are the correlating feel good moments I’ve curated for your enjoyment: 🌞
For the truest of inspiration and the best 60 seconds you’ll spend today:
Unlikely friendship but so pure ✨
And, an inspiring playlist about Friendship:
Carole King’s You’ve Got a Friend
Andrew Gold, Thank You For Being a Friend
